Te Aroha shares her cancer diary (Part 3)
As you know from the previous blog I had to wait 7 excruciating days to get my test results back.
Those days were the longest I’ve ever endured in my life.
I remember the day so well. Before we went into the clinic, my husband and I sat in the car and just prayed up a storm. My legs were shaking as my mind was thinking a million things at a time. My husband tried to hold my hand but I couldn’t stop moving it; I was all fidgety.
A familiar face greeted us - my support person. Her soft smile calmed my nerves a bit. She sat us in a consultation room and said she’d get the doctor.
As soon as I heard those words I knew deep down that I wasn’t going to be leaving with good news. My heart sank.
The doctor looked at me: “I wish I could give you some good news but unfortunately it has come back positive for breast cancer.”
I felt like I’d been slapped on the face hard and my stomach felt all twisted. I couldn’t breathe properly, the temperature in the room felt like it had jumped to 100 degrees in .2 seconds. I started crying – crying because my fears had been confirmed but also out of relief for finally having an answer.
My husband was still trying to comprehend what we had just been told.
The 3-5 minutes after being given the results, I only heard white noise. It was like being stuck in a bad dream that I was trying to wake up from. I started thinking about my 2 girls; what would happen if i DI……. I refused to finish the thought.
Then I snapped out of it and wiped my tears away. I squeezed my husband’s hand, held it tight and said, “Ok, now we know what we’re dealing with. Let’s talk treatment, like you said before.”
The next part of the story was a true blessing and I know God put the medical team in my path for a reason.
My doctor and support person told me they had already filled in my new doctor, an oncologist, who will be with me through the whole treatment side of things. We then sat for about 20 minutes discussing possible treatment plans, how they work and their possible side effects. They had already tentatively booked appointments for scans, bloods etc. and advised me that I would soon be receiving calls to confirm times and dates. They had even scheduled in a possible start date for my first round of chemo in 2 weeks’ time.
I returned to the waiting room to wait for a small procedure where a marker is put into the cancer mass to figure out its exact location.
Both my Dads (I’m adopted) had called and texted and I’d missed their calls. They both knew I was getting my results and were waiting for me to give them an update. I can’t remember which dad I told first - bit of a blur - but they were heartbroken to hear their little girl had been diagnosed with breast cancer.
My dad that lives in Auckland said he would meet me at my home. It was a little bit harder for my dad in Australia, given he was a long plane ride away. I promised him then and there to keep him updated with everything, as if he were sitting in all my appointments with me, holding my hand.
After the marking procedure my husband and I walked, hand in hand but in silence, to the car. He opened the door, I sat down and let out the ugliest, loudest cry noise I have ever made. We sat for about 5 minutes until I was done and then we went home.